Suzanne Vega on Abuse

Heard a song I haven't heard in more than a decade. "Luka" by Suzanne Vega. It sent chills all through me. A beautiful yet dark lyric, and I was reminded of a poem I wrote a few years ago.


"Abuse"

Hand raised in rape, clenched tight
Stealing dignity,
Tearing down the walls of self-esteem
Words raised, couched to inflict
Raping the soul
Erasing the spirit…
Anger
Resentment
Frustration
Filling the tiny room I’ve retreated to
Her lips move. Her words chafe
But I’ve retreated
Hid myself in a corner darkened…
This is my safe place, this tiny room
"Pound at the door if you will
I will remain quiet"
    ~ Perhaps she’ll go away
Allow my bruises will heal;
Scars grow less tender,
And my spirit, reverted to childhood,
Safe now in the tiny room…

Here are walls she can’t tear down
Where simpler times,
Memories of love and child-like joy
Adorn the walls
Their edges, like old photographs
Curled and leeched of color
This room was meant for sunshine
But I have locked the door
From her

There was a voice once
    ~ Gone now
Who showed me how to throw open windows
To resist the upward swing of clenched fists
And words leveled on a child
Alone and forgotten
The voice once rang clear and true
Encouraging me to open my soul
Learn to love again
But all I hear now is the rapist
Laughing
Mocking
Delighting in my loneliness

Now…
Softly…
"Where is your precious Voice now?"
Through the keyhole I see tears…
"I will love you, I will never leave you
Come, open the door"
And I succumb
Wanting to believe, I turn the latch
And there she stands
Sympathy melts away
Tears becomes quicksilver
Poisonous
Deadly
Run! I scream to my soul
Hide!
But she is in
And the tiny room
Too small

She takes me again
Raping and destroying everything
    ~ The voice, the lovely voice
A distant memory
Forgotten now in the pummeling abuse
Falling down like rain…
Soaking abuse,
Staining like blood
What remains of my soul
And I wonder
As my spirit lay dying
"Is this all there is?"


E.L. Ashley
031602.121600.1