Chuck Norris Facts

This is new to me, but not the concept; I've seen similar lists about Jack Bauer, and these are just as funny, if not more far-fetched. Jack Bauer at least is genuinely ficticious. Chuck Norris? Well....

• When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
• Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
• Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
• Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
• Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
• Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
• There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
• When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
• Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
• Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
• There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
• Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
• Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
• Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

An one of my own...

• Chuck Norris couldn't shave if he wanted to... Razors are afraid of Chuck Norris.

It would also seem Chuck Norris is now writing commentary for WorldNetDaily. Check out his first piece here.



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Click here for Jack Bauer facts. One of my favorites...

• Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the Eff!ng bomb was.